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But while you may be a boring dolt who is a complete drain on society, I’m a creative genius, and have perfected the art of openers. – Just enrolled for health insurance via Obamacare. PHILOSOPHICAL OPENERS: – Sometimes I question why God allows bad things to happen to good people. – Fuck, Marry, Kill: Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Dostoyevsky? Let’s cut to the chase—call me an insensitive, self-involved, immature asshole and break up with me. Been playing with my nephew and his new puppy in a flower patch all day while helping to feed the homeless. – Guess who’s no longer on his parents cell phone bill…?
Today, on this blog, I am giving away 42 openers to all of you…COMPLETELY FREE OF CHARGE. – If the technology existed, do you think it would be ethical for scientists to clone you? AGGRESSIVE OPENERS: – Ya know what the difference is between you and an angel? – I’ve thought it over, and I’m okay with you keeping our yet-to-be-conceived baby.
– I’m not saying I’m the type you can take home to your mom, but I’m definitely the type you can take home. CURRENT EVENT OPENERS: – How ‘bout this Crimea and Russia situation? – My heart’s breaking over these bloody insurgencies around the world. I was cast to play the Hunchback in my school play, and we weren’t even doing The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
– I think I love you more than I’ve ever loved myself.
But, I guess, if there’s anyone I’d be okay with wasting away the rest of my life with, it’d be you.
EMO OPENERS: – What’s the point of having a partner when we all die alone?
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It’s insanely difficult to be funny, engaging, interesting, etc., in an opening line with a girl you know nearly nothing about. If not, I could seductively come up behind you and teach you. Also, checking out an adult film on my laptop and calling my friend derogatory names. I’d like to position my groin to take a run at you. – I’m not much of a political guy, but I just had to let you know that after going through your pics, I’m rocking a pretty hard John Boehner. CONFUSING OPENERS: -and trust me, that’s being generous. – Need help with a big decision – should my new yacht have a helipad OR a tennis court sized hot tub OR an aboveground wine cellar filled with gold?
To help us all write the perfect pick-up lines, I reached out to a dozen single friends in New York City, all between the ages of 25 to 35, to find out what kind of messages work for them and which ones don’t.
For some professional advice, I also spoke to Rachel Seliger and Ashley Reccord, Community Managers at , the company that owns JDate and Christian Mingle.
Here is the breakdown of what you should and should not do while messaging someone for the first time online. DON’T USE: The corny message Reccord warns that using a superficial or cheesy message can backfire, coming off as “insincere and overrated.” She’s seen people write, “Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?
” And “If I were a stop light, I’d turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.” My single friends agree.