No commitment dating
Great girls, awesome, fun, but with whom he feels connection and long-term potential.
He dates prospects he calls “crushes,” and soft-approaches his actual assertive, independent type.
“I can’t have a girlfriend right now.” These words come tumbling out of the mouth of the tall, dark and quirky math theory researcher I met a week ago at a party — within 10 minutes of meeting me for our first date. I want to unpack brains, lead horses to water…talk to guys about love. Overall, I’m just not a small-talk-with-strangers-from-apps kind of gal.
“So, um, I don’t know what you’re looking for, but…” He trails off, eyes glued to my face for reactions! Math theory guy is, unsurprisingly, convinced that love hinders forward progress. So, when I am excited for a date, 1) it’s really rare, 2) I feel a connection with the person, and 3) I’m really wary, because history has taught me to be such. There was the late-twenties grad student, who went from incessantly texting me and taking me on nervous-excited coffee dates, to telling me that I was amazing and he loved talking to me, but that he was not convinced he was good for me.
Although it can be difficult to see the silver lining in this situation, you can use this experience to grow as a person. There is no need to go over all of the things that you could’ve done to change this situation.
They want to feel it all, eventually, but keep those feelings in check until they’ve built their empires (a.k.a.
“I always have this one woman,” he told me, someone who aligns perfectly to his ideal.
“This is a person I pursue, but probably not very well.” He has intentionally gotten to know these women over time, who he calls “platonic girlfriends.” He keeps them in his inner-circle, a nebulous spot in the friend zone where he’ll act like a maybe-sometimes boyfriend, but can’t seem to fully go after them.
It’s not a turn-off, but it’s a new way I have to navigate.”Men who fall in this category are unsure if they’re ready to navigate differently, and that uncertainty leads to the start of a living, breathing relationship roller coaster.
(All the highs and lows, way less fun.) They start to spiral and talk themselves out of it in front of you, too, as if the hot-and-cold behavior wasn’t tell-tale enough.